We are going to look at the juicy topic of Unconditional love and the power of Forgiveness
We are unconditionally loved when we make poor choices and others in our lives are not judging us but loving us without any conditions.
It is not unconditional love when other people love us because we do what they want.
If you are someone who loves others, giving away all of yourself without any boundaries, this is not unconditional or loving to yourself!
In fact, it is “enabling” the situation or the other person, if we just let them continue with their discounting behaviour towards us and we continue to accept it.
Martyrdom and self-sacrifice are not rewarding or validating and can only lead to resentment!
So how do we love unconditionally?
Try asking yourself "Am I truly acting with the most love I can for this person?" and "Am I acting with their very best interests at heart? Not out of guilt or because I expect something back from them?"
Remember, Unconditional Love is not a loan that needs to be repaid!
Unconditional Love means you have to love yourself first, so that you can give the same to another person. I can honestly say that this is the key to it!
I am personally working on self-love in my life right now - I am doing what is best for me first and prioritising certain of my needs and desires.
I do this by taking little actions everyday – for example: I spend more time doing my hair, have longer showers, and do these things first thing instead of at the last minute. I show the Universe that I am worth it and that I am worthy of love!
This makes me feel even more loved. honoured and valued. These little everyday actions ignite in me a feeling of true richness and abundance of love and growth for myself.
I definately feel in a better space for it, which means I am better able to go about my day with more flow, ease and grace and look after my family with more unconditional love.
This reminds me of the analogy of the oxygen mask in a plane. If oxygen masks are needed during a flight, we are always told to fit ours first before assisting others. It is the same principle. Everything starts with ourself!
Often, when loving someone unconditionally, this does not mean that it is always going to feel easy or comfortable. Sometimes we have to tell loved ones the truth in a gentle and light way and with no judgement of course!
If we choose to protect someone from negative feelings and emotions, we are not loving them unconditionally. We are surrogating them!
The power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a crucial aspect of Unconditional Love. I like to think that I have mastered this but I know deep down that I probably have not!
Forgiveness is a very difficult feeling or act to embody and a true mastery in itself! It is probably the most difficult and truly unconditional act that we perform.
When we feel we have been wronged, and if the other person does not apologize, the most loving thing for us both, is to let go of any anger and resentment. Because harbouring that negative energy, will be hurtful to us in so many ways and even eventually on a physical level.
Try this ancient Hawaiin mantra of Forgiveness. It is so powerful:
‘Forgive me. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank-you’.
Feel every phrase as you say it and allow the emotions to come up as you do so. You do not have to tell the person face to face, which is what is so powerful about it. You simply think of them and repeat the words with feeling in your mind or out loud, which can be even more powerful!
I now have a list of people, situations, my own behaviours and decisions that I work through on a daily basis or in the moment, using this mantra.
Because of this work that I do on a daily basis, I feel a whole lot lighter.
Remember: There is no perfect, or simple way to love without conditions. Remember, we all have shadow aspects to ourselves that is important to accept and love, however negative!