How to build healthier relationships

How to build healthier relationships


We can all think of someone or some people in our lives that we feel deeply obligated to. Whether it is a loved one, friend or colleague. 

We can also have dynamics that play out between siblings, other family members or old  friends and these dynamics are often shaped by negative patterning and beliefs from our childhood.

Sometimes it is not always obvious as to why we can feel so beholden to another person.

I had a colleague, where I used to work, who was suffering with depression. I really worried about her and even felt responsible for her happiness. I made sure that I wasn't putting too much pressure on her, but it was to the detriment of my own well-being because I was taking on alot of her work so that she didn't have to do it. She would talk to me about all her worries and anxiety and that would cause me to feel even more duty-bound to relieve her of any extra strain. And so it went on. Because of this dynamic, I felt depleted, stressed and tired most of the time.

This was not a healthy, balanced relationship and we definitely had karma playing out between us!

I believe that significant relationships in our lives today will have also occurred in previous lifetimes.

I feel that we choose, as a soul, who we come into this lifetime with. We also choose the life challenges that we face and the dynamics that play out between two people are a result of unresolved issues from previous lifetimes. In this lifetime, we have chosen to work through these issues again with that particular soul.

By being able to understand that karmic relationships do exist, this enables us to take a step back from the relationship and release the karma that plays out between us.

Surrogation is a big part of karma. We can sometimes feel so responsible for someone to the point that we don’t allow them to make mistakes.

However, hitting rock bottom is crucial for realisations and growth. Therefore, we need to take that step back and allow them to make their mistakes.


How to detach in the moment when Karma is playing out...

Make a list of all your significant relationships. 

Look at each one in turn and ask yourself if there is a pattern of behaviour that is not always serving you, that makes you feel depleted in any way?

Is there someone in your life right now that you often worry about or feel obligated towards them in some way, even though you don’t always understand why?

Do you act in a certain way around them that doesn’t always feel positive?

You will probably find that with quite a few relationships, you tend to do this... simply because of the karma playing out between you.

Make a new list with the relationships where you have identified negative Karma.

One by one, bring each person into your mind and say to them:

‘I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank-you’

Repeat this as many times as you feel the need to and in any order tht feels right to you. You will feel a deep emotion inside of you as you invoke this ancient Hawaiin practice of Forgiveness (ho'oponopono).

At first you may feel a real resistance to this may even be thinking that you could forgive such and such a person. But, trust me, you will feel lifted and alot lighter afterwards and it is great because you don't even have to talk to themor see them.


After a while, if practiced regularly, You will start to notice a shift in the relationship. You will both feel energetically freed because you have released the shackles of Karma.